The Struggles of Being in a Relationship*

*as told by someone who is not in a relationship

Can we all just please spare a thought for all the people in the world who are in relationships? I know this post may really hit home with a lot of you so be prepared to have tissues nearby (and maybe a bucket, you never know). Being in a relationship you miss out on so much and so this post is dedicated to you. So now, as this paragraph comes to an end, I ask that you bow your head as a sign of respect before we move on.

Source: http://pickcute.com/view/5427/sad-hug-couple-on-beach-sand-alone-lonely

First and foremost, couples are all alone, well, alone outside of each other. No one wants to be the third wheel to a couple so expect to hear more of the word 'no' when you ask someone to go out with you and your bae. Being in a relationship is just so entirely lonely. Not to mention how boring it would be to wake up next to the same person for a very long period of time. The mere thought of that amount of banality is just terrifying. Plus, when you try to get out of the house with your significant other you just end up annoying the people around you with your 'happiness'. Ugh, see, this is why I warned you about the buckets. Speaking of friends can we talk about social media? Well, yes, this is my blog, I do what I want, deal with it. When you are in a relationship you basically need to stay away from social media so as to resist the urge to share what you and your pal are doing or to resist posting that cute pic that took you thirty minutes to get last night. You know the one, where the two of you were kissing and there were party lights in the background. It made a cool effect but you are yet to notice the fact that everyone is giving you a wide birth. The struggles are most certainly real. Not to mention that you left the party early because hardly anyone came up to you two. Plus, your parents were not about to let you stay out late with your special friend in case anything untoward were to happen to their 'innocent' child. This is actually a great segue to my next point about sex. Yeah, I deliberately put this towards the end of this post so that you can stop reading right now. So, anyway, sex. When you are in a relationship you generally only have sex with that one person. Of course, if you are in an open relationship then it is different, as are threesomes. If you cheat it is also different but not good at all. People in relationships miss out on all the casual sex they could be having. It must suck (*big wink*) to have to know the person your having sex with and to have an emotional attachment with them. It is just so exhausting to have to care about who you fool around with. Plus, they miss out on all the after-sex awkwardness, that must suck. Not to mention they dramatically lessen their risk of contracting STDs/STIs. Geez, sex is no fun without a little danger.

We really should feel very sorry for those in relationships, it really does suck. See you soon.

It's Not Just Gay Marriage

If you have been living under a rock recently (I would not blame you if you have, there are some pretty nice rocks out there) you may not have heard that the Supreme Court of the United States of America (SCOTUS) legalised same-sex marriage in all 50 states. That is a really awesome step towards equality and it sends a message to the new generations that same-sex relationships are normal and deserve the same treatment as heterosexual ones. However, there has been one large oversight by many who report on this milestone in LGBT+ history.

Source: https://secularpolicyinstitute.net/oklahoma-house-oks-bill-for-ministers-to-refuse-gay-marriage/

A lot of the headlines have contained some variation of the following: "Gay Marriage Legalised". While it may be true that gay couples can now marry it does not mean that only gay people can get married. The legalisation of same-sex marriage opens up the door for people of all sexual orientations to get married. While it may be 'gay marriage' it is also "bisexual marriage", "pansexual mariage", "queer marriage", "skoliosexual marriage" (people attracted to those who are not cisgendered [someone who is cisgendered identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth]) or, as I like to put it "Marriage". Really, it is just widening the definition of the term "marriage". It is not like people have gay breakfasts (though they are really fun) or bisexual luncheons (again, an interesting concept), people just have breakfast or attend luncheons. By referring to something simply as "gay" or "bi" it really narrows the definition of the thing it describes. It really is just a new definition of marriage where same-sex couples can now have more of the same rights that heterosexual couples have (we are still working on some aspects (such as adoption in Victoria which a same-sex couple can not do)). To be perfectly honest, in Australia at least it is not even a new definition of marriage but rather, if Tony Abbott decides to do his job and support the majority view of Australians, returning the definition to what it originally was. Until August of 2004 same-sex marriage was not illegal in Australia. In August the Liberal Government of the time led by John Howard passed a bill that made same-sex marriages illegal. I am seeing a bit of trend with the Liberal Government which, given its name, is a very ironic party.

The message of this post is really that we should not narrow the definition of something by labeling it as "gay" for example because it really excludes a lot of people to which it also should refer to. Hopefully when it comes time for Tony Abbott to decide whether or not to allow his party a free vote (where they do not have to vote along party lines) on the same-sex marriage bill next month he has the strength to make the right decision for Australia. Not the right decision based on his own minority beliefs. I could have a whole post full of my disappointment for Tony Abbott but it doesn't take long to find if you Google his name (although I have already done this for you so just click here to see it). 

It's time our Prime Minister finally did his job. See you soon.

My Problem with Jurassic World

Source: http://www.joblo.com/movie-news/exclusive-spoilery-details-on-jurassic-world-the-park-the-dinos-more

Again, I am going to preface this post by saying that I did enjoy Jurassic World a lot, so much so that I have seen it twice. It has already grossed more than the original movie has since it first came out in 1993 (that's a staggering $1.26 billion for Jurassic World as of June 30 2015, less than a month after its release). Yes, I did just Wikipedia that, I put a lot of work into this obviously. While I admire all the acting, especially Bryce Dallas Howard's portrayal of Claire, the female heroine (as in female hero, not the drug, that is spelt differently [not that I would know of course]) of the story who saves her nephews and the park all the while in heels. I can't even walk in heels [again, not that I've tried] and yet she runs from dinosaurs, walks through mud and dirt, treks the forest, runs from pterodactyls all the while looking like hell on high heels (literally on heels). However, my gripe is not with those heels but we will come back to Claire in a little while. Michael Giacchino's score again adds to the spectacle of Jurassic World (a score completely at odds with his work on Inside Out also released last month). All in all it is an amazing film that definitely stands up to the original and makes up for its two rather disappointing predecessors. However, despite all this and Bryce Dallas Howard's performance I do have one bone to pick with the character of Claire Dearing.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJJrkyHas78

As you can see there is just so much wrong with this scene right now. First of all, HANG UP THAT DAMN PHONE CLAIRE! Seriously, she is not even driving on a normal road yet here she is speeding and on her phone. To top it all off, Claire is also full of adrenaline at this moment because of the fear of discovering that the Indominus Rex may have escaped its enclosure. As Claire puts it: "We have an asset out of containment!" Below you can view the trailer where this scene is shown (yes, I did pause the video and take a screenshot to get the picture above). It starts at 1:02 and only goes for a few seconds.

First of all, Claire, slow down. Wipe off five and save lives. I know you are in a rush to tell the control center that there is, and I quote, "an asset out of containment" but you are already talking to them on the phone. You getting there quicker will not change anything other than perhaps slowing them down if you interfere. In fact, when you do finally arrive they all just stop and stare at you after they have witnessed the Indominus Rex kill a few people (as one of Michael Giacchino's songs from the soundtrack is titled; the "Indominus Wrecks"). So yeah, speed all you like Claire but no matter how fast you go, you are powerless. Secondly, hang up the damn phone or at least put it on speaker. Before, when your sister called to check on her sons (your nephews) you were able to answer the phone using the hands free system that most modern cars now have, especially the modern cars that Masrani Global would provide to one of their highest employees. Yet here you found that you had to hold the phone while driving with one hand on the wheel at high speeds. I realise that Isla Nublar probably does not have a speed limit or any explicit road rules but you are setting a very bad example for all the viewers of this movie. Finally, Claire, why is that window down? I know Owen (played by Chris Pratt) was just in the car with you and that he stunk but still, it would probably be more effective to put your window down so that you would get the fresh air first. But no, the only window open is the one opposite for you. Spielberg, I know this made it easier to get this shot since her car windows are tinted but seriously, where is the sense in that? Not to mention the fact that Claire is on an island with prehistoric DINOSAURS. I kind of feel like having a window down may not be the smartest thing to do anywhere on that island, particularly not when you are driving alone in the middle of nowhere. Claire does seem to have a bad track record with windows though because when she is driving the truck later she has the window down and a velociraptor tries to jump inside. Granted, only its head made it through but still, the dinosaur was trying to eat you. I feel like that was a message to you so that you would learn to WIND UP YOUR BLOODY WINDOW WHEN YOU ARE ON AN ISLAND FULL OF DINOSAURS. However, here is a picture of Claire being the Claire that we come to love in this movie, and not the Claire that has no sense when it comes to driving vehicles on an island full of dinosaurs out to kill you.

Source: http://www.hypable.com/jurassic-world-claire-dearing-defense/

Just look at that face, Claire, you go girl (I feel like I have regressed a few decades). See you soon (as in the readers, not Claire, she's fictional).