Sunday, 28 July 2013

Stupid Things People Say in Court

So I was scrolling through as some people tend to do so as not to have to watch the full news programs or skim through the newspaper. As I was doing this I came across an article about issues in courts with what people say and how they present themselves. I tried searching for the article to link it here but I could not find it. Therefore I did some further intensive research (as in a quick Google search and then click on the first site to pop up) into some of the stupid things that people say in court. Below I have compiled a list of some of my favourites and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. These are all taken from official court records from all around the United States of America.

The following is what the accused perpetrator (representing himself) asked to the prosecutor. Needless to say he was found guilty and sentenced to a term in Jail.
ACCUSED: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

LAWYER: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
WITNESS: "No. He was wearing a mask."
LAWYER: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
WITNESS: "Er... his face."

LAWYER: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
LAWYER: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
WITNESS: "I forget."
LAWYER: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

LAWYER: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
WITNESS: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
LAWYER: "How long has he lived with you?"
WITNESS: "Forty-five years."

LAWYER: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
LAWYER: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
WITNESS: "Yes, sir."
LAWYER: "What did she say?"
WITNESS: "What disco am I at?"

LAWYER: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
LAWYER: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
LAWYER: "Did you check for breathing?"
LAWYER: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
LAWYER: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
WITNESS: "Because his bran was sitting on my desk in a jar."
LAWYER: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
WITNESS: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

LAWYER: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

LAWYER: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
OFFICER: "Yes, I do."
LAWYER: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
OFFICER: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

LAWYER: "What happened then?"
WITNESS: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
LAWYER: "Did he kill you?"

LAWYER: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man --"
WITNESS: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

The following is a collection of sentences a number of Lawyers have said. Still from official US transcripts.

LAWYER: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
LAWYER: "So you were gone until you returned?"
LAWYER: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
LAWYER: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
LAWYER: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"
LAWYER: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

LAWYER: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognise that picture."
WITNESS: "That's me."
LAWYER: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

The Lawyer said the following when he knew he was on the verge of asking a stupid question:

LAWYER: "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

LAWYER: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
WITNESS: "Borofkin"
LAWYER: "What's his first name?"
WITNESS: "I can't remember."
LAWYER: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
WITNESS: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (Rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

LAWYER: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
WITNESS: "She is my daughter."
LAWYER: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

I hope you enjoyed these as it took a long time to type!

Remember to think before you speak, see you tomorrow.

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